Thank You

I've truly been blessed and I say that sincerely and humbly.

It's been brought to my attention and I only think about it when it is mentioned. It's not I wake up everyday and think to myself, my life is awesome and so am I. That's far from the truth and even my closest friend who knows me better than I may know myself at times is shocked to hear that this is how I really feel about myself. To see how someone carry them self is far from how they really feel inside; it's not as obvious as you think and here's why...

For a few years now, I've held my chin a little higher, my back a little straighter, and became better acquaintances with my conscious. I became more aware of society, the people in it, and forced down the beauty of the ugly truth. That is, everything and everyone is capable of deceiving.

I've never been 100% confident in myself. I lack a lot of qualities but work to perfect them to the people who have nothing better to do but wait and watch for my mistakes to get a chance to acknowledge them because during the day, I tend to do care. I see myself as everyone else, nothing more, nothing better. I don't believe in class and I stand behind that wholeheartedly. And to hear a good friend say she is proud and happy that I'm making it, and to make it seem like my life is grand, I feel adulated. It's a strange feeling, a happy and humble feeling because for such an excessive amount of time, I felt like I wasn't worthy of much.

The capability of manipulation by people is astonishing, and it's up to you to let those people turn your world upside-down or let them open a new road to a whole different world. I've let two people into my life who worked on opposite ends and I am thankful to both because now I've seen four walls: my past, the ugly, the good, and the present.

Up to this day, it's difficult to believe anyone when they tell me I'm pretty, or attractive, or gorgeous. And he, the only person who makes me feel most beautiful asked, "Why don't you ever believe me when I tell you that?" I didn't have an answer but in the back of my mind I knew. I do believe him and so far he is the only one. The sincerity in his eyes when he looks at me says, "You are so beautiful," is moving. He taught me that it's okay for people to adore you and like it when they do. I've learned to accept compliments in the most humble form. Instead of refusing to believe it, I say "thank you" and accept it.

So to everyone who has been so kind, I want to say THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH. I appreciate all the support from my fans and am so thankful for every single one of you. Please keep up with my updates and hopefully I can deliver more music in the future. =)

What summer sends..

I won't be sad when everything ends because I've said all that I've been wanting to say. I've spilled my heart out and received the closure that I've been deprived of for the past year. I can't promise though, that I won't be comparing...because if they can't make me feel the way he made me felt, and treat me as well as he has treated me..then I won't settle. I will not settle for anything less, only equal to or greater and even I know that it's nearly impossible to run into someone so great. He is the total package and when you have to let that go, you only seek to find it again only just as good or greater. To find someone who can make me completely forget about him, pray for me too that I will eventually run into that gentleman.

I'll be like this for a while yet and I know that, but I won't let anything hold me back anymore from finding true happiness. My only hope is to keep in mind that we can cross paths again one day and once again, go on together from there.

His hugs I will miss the most as well as his kisses. Cuddling might not ever be the same again, but I can be happy for him because right now that's all I'm capable of doing. So good bye Sweetheart, so long to all of our memories. It was really more than just an attraction, wasn't it? I'll miss you more than you'll ever know. XOXO.

=)

Heavy Heart

The closer it comes, the more I fight to forget. These will be the longest and fastest weeks to come. I won't let it bother me. I will not let it affect me. I will play it out and laugh it off. These butterflies aren't doing me any good right now.

2AM Venting

I just want to spill everything that's in my head right now. It's random. It jumps. You'll get confused. Just read.


I've been truly blessed with everything that I've ever encountered in my life thus far. I'm so grateful for my parents mostly for supporting me even when I know I've disappointed them with my decisions. I'm guilty for once taking them for granted. It's sad but it's true when they say, you only know what you have when it's gone. I haven't lost anything, but I'm now a couple more miles away from my parents than I'd like to be. I miss them and it hasn't even been a week yet. My dad called me this morning; I was too tired to pick up so I just waited for the voicemail...and of course he left one. I figured, when he leaves a message..it's usually an earful and for that assumption, I didn't bother listening to it. In the end, he just wanted to call to let me know how I was doing and told me something about my insurance. I'm a horrible child. I love my parents so much. I am still their little baby and yes, I still feel like it too. =)

I tend to jump into things too much, too soon, and when it's already too late..I finally realize what I had done. Such an eager dummy. Tsk. I'm always curious to see "what could happen" or "if anything would happen." I'm worse than Curious George. I dig my own graves. I have about 3 or 4 of them....pretty darn cool.

At this very moment, it seems very far from now when I'd finally feel that very special feeling again. I hate knowing that I'm going to end up hurting someone. DON'T ASK. I don't even know how I get there. Uggghhhhhh.

I'm very grateful for my friends..every single one of them.

Dreams; how they sometimes feel so real..hurts.

Okay. Good night.

Life Lessons

Friends come and go.
Yes, even the really good ones..actually, let me correct myself..
that one I had "thought" was a good friend.
Your mistake. =)

Candy

Like I had just told one of my beautiful followers..
Time is like a sour-patch kid..
first it's sour, then it gets sweet.
Patience kills but it is kind.

With being very fortunate..

The funny thing is..I have no idea who these "people" are; and that my friend is the beauty of it. Whether you like it or not, there are those "people" who happily feed off your misery, sadness, and frustration. But let me tell you this..there is no greater motivation and reason to be successful and happy. So here's a message to all those people who can't stand the fact that my life is at it's peak of awesomeness, good luck at trying to ruin everything great that's happening to me at this very moment.You may here rumors here and there from other "people" so go ahead, do your research and figure out whether or not it's true. You have every right to believe what you want to believe. Assume away.

I've truly been blessed with everything. Life is so good to me and I can not be any happier with it.