Thank You

I've truly been blessed and I say that sincerely and humbly.

It's been brought to my attention and I only think about it when it is mentioned. It's not I wake up everyday and think to myself, my life is awesome and so am I. That's far from the truth and even my closest friend who knows me better than I may know myself at times is shocked to hear that this is how I really feel about myself. To see how someone carry them self is far from how they really feel inside; it's not as obvious as you think and here's why...

For a few years now, I've held my chin a little higher, my back a little straighter, and became better acquaintances with my conscious. I became more aware of society, the people in it, and forced down the beauty of the ugly truth. That is, everything and everyone is capable of deceiving.

I've never been 100% confident in myself. I lack a lot of qualities but work to perfect them to the people who have nothing better to do but wait and watch for my mistakes to get a chance to acknowledge them because during the day, I tend to do care. I see myself as everyone else, nothing more, nothing better. I don't believe in class and I stand behind that wholeheartedly. And to hear a good friend say she is proud and happy that I'm making it, and to make it seem like my life is grand, I feel adulated. It's a strange feeling, a happy and humble feeling because for such an excessive amount of time, I felt like I wasn't worthy of much.

The capability of manipulation by people is astonishing, and it's up to you to let those people turn your world upside-down or let them open a new road to a whole different world. I've let two people into my life who worked on opposite ends and I am thankful to both because now I've seen four walls: my past, the ugly, the good, and the present.

Up to this day, it's difficult to believe anyone when they tell me I'm pretty, or attractive, or gorgeous. And he, the only person who makes me feel most beautiful asked, "Why don't you ever believe me when I tell you that?" I didn't have an answer but in the back of my mind I knew. I do believe him and so far he is the only one. The sincerity in his eyes when he looks at me says, "You are so beautiful," is moving. He taught me that it's okay for people to adore you and like it when they do. I've learned to accept compliments in the most humble form. Instead of refusing to believe it, I say "thank you" and accept it.

So to everyone who has been so kind, I want to say THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH. I appreciate all the support from my fans and am so thankful for every single one of you. Please keep up with my updates and hopefully I can deliver more music in the future. =)

What summer sends..

I won't be sad when everything ends because I've said all that I've been wanting to say. I've spilled my heart out and received the closure that I've been deprived of for the past year. I can't promise though, that I won't be comparing...because if they can't make me feel the way he made me felt, and treat me as well as he has treated me..then I won't settle. I will not settle for anything less, only equal to or greater and even I know that it's nearly impossible to run into someone so great. He is the total package and when you have to let that go, you only seek to find it again only just as good or greater. To find someone who can make me completely forget about him, pray for me too that I will eventually run into that gentleman.

I'll be like this for a while yet and I know that, but I won't let anything hold me back anymore from finding true happiness. My only hope is to keep in mind that we can cross paths again one day and once again, go on together from there.

His hugs I will miss the most as well as his kisses. Cuddling might not ever be the same again, but I can be happy for him because right now that's all I'm capable of doing. So good bye Sweetheart, so long to all of our memories. It was really more than just an attraction, wasn't it? I'll miss you more than you'll ever know. XOXO.

=)

Heavy Heart

The closer it comes, the more I fight to forget. These will be the longest and fastest weeks to come. I won't let it bother me. I will not let it affect me. I will play it out and laugh it off. These butterflies aren't doing me any good right now.

2AM Venting

I just want to spill everything that's in my head right now. It's random. It jumps. You'll get confused. Just read.


I've been truly blessed with everything that I've ever encountered in my life thus far. I'm so grateful for my parents mostly for supporting me even when I know I've disappointed them with my decisions. I'm guilty for once taking them for granted. It's sad but it's true when they say, you only know what you have when it's gone. I haven't lost anything, but I'm now a couple more miles away from my parents than I'd like to be. I miss them and it hasn't even been a week yet. My dad called me this morning; I was too tired to pick up so I just waited for the voicemail...and of course he left one. I figured, when he leaves a message..it's usually an earful and for that assumption, I didn't bother listening to it. In the end, he just wanted to call to let me know how I was doing and told me something about my insurance. I'm a horrible child. I love my parents so much. I am still their little baby and yes, I still feel like it too. =)

I tend to jump into things too much, too soon, and when it's already too late..I finally realize what I had done. Such an eager dummy. Tsk. I'm always curious to see "what could happen" or "if anything would happen." I'm worse than Curious George. I dig my own graves. I have about 3 or 4 of them....pretty darn cool.

At this very moment, it seems very far from now when I'd finally feel that very special feeling again. I hate knowing that I'm going to end up hurting someone. DON'T ASK. I don't even know how I get there. Uggghhhhhh.

I'm very grateful for my friends..every single one of them.

Dreams; how they sometimes feel so real..hurts.

Okay. Good night.

Life Lessons

Friends come and go.
Yes, even the really good ones..actually, let me correct myself..
that one I had "thought" was a good friend.
Your mistake. =)

Candy

Like I had just told one of my beautiful followers..
Time is like a sour-patch kid..
first it's sour, then it gets sweet.
Patience kills but it is kind.

With being very fortunate..

The funny thing is..I have no idea who these "people" are; and that my friend is the beauty of it. Whether you like it or not, there are those "people" who happily feed off your misery, sadness, and frustration. But let me tell you this..there is no greater motivation and reason to be successful and happy. So here's a message to all those people who can't stand the fact that my life is at it's peak of awesomeness, good luck at trying to ruin everything great that's happening to me at this very moment.You may here rumors here and there from other "people" so go ahead, do your research and figure out whether or not it's true. You have every right to believe what you want to believe. Assume away.

I've truly been blessed with everything. Life is so good to me and I can not be any happier with it.

A beautiful thing..

How do you rid of something that doesn't want to leave? The nuisance of an itch that keeps coming back and every time it makes a round, you scratch some more only to worsen the wound. It's your mind battling what your heart feels and when that happens, what do you listen to? It's bad for you. It has only the best intentions with the worse consequences and in the end, you already know you're going to lose. So why go through all that trouble to receive the shit end of the fucken stick? Your old friend, Stubborn. The inability, let me rephrase that..YOUR own self refusal to let those life-changing memories go. Pick a course and stay on it. You can't put each leg in two different boats and expect to stay afloat. Fuck you, gravity.

QUESTION!

What the hell do people want to read about?
Tell me and I'll work on a couple.

My mind is so blank at the moment.

Happiness

Everyone, so far..so good. =) I got that awesome jacket for $6.00!!!! DANG I'M GOOD.

Anywho, I strongly believe in karma. I hope that at the end, everything will turn out and life will be good to me. I'm being a better person. I'm happy. I'm staying true to myself.  =)

Something New..

Photo update! Did something new with the hair and I love, LOVE it.

I have to be honest guys, this blog might be a bit boring. It's about being infatuated or what I like to refer to as the first stages of being a CREEPER! LOL. Me as a creeper; who would have guessed, right? This feeling is strange but I've felt it before..two times in my life. I like it. If my cousin knew about this, she'd be saying what she always says when she knows I've been swept off my feet. "Babygirl, slow down. You're gonna get your heart broken again and I don't want that." Mmmm, I don't have anything to say back to that. It's a possibility and I've considered that. This is the hardest thing for me, keeping it all inside. Hey now, don't get me wrong, I know when I should spill and right now, it's too soon to tell. I'll wait on it and see where it goes. I must say.........he's a really great guy. This also brings me to last summer which I'm doing better now trying to let go of and forget. I can see it happening now and in a way it saddens me, but I'm excited to see what's on the other side. Everyone, wish me a lot of luck. I seem to want it more than ever right now. If last summer comes back for another round, I don't want to fall into the same cycle; I want to be able to control it. Fuck you in advance, summer.

(Damn, does anyone else notice how different my writing is in this particular blog?! So many short sentences. WTSHIT. Lol, damages are being done.)Good night.

Quick Update

Swept off my feet.
It's kind of a strange feeling.

Photo Update

I love this little troublemaker: Autumn May.

How Swearing Makes Everything So Much Funnier

NOT MEANT TO BE READ BY ANYONE WHO CAN'T HANDLE A LITTLE HUMOR(in simpler terms, just take that stick out of your ass)

I know there are those who disagree with my title but at least give me the chance to explain it. Firstly, I don't even understand why people are so anal about the subject, but then again I could go wayyy deeper into what I just previously typed and it could get really technical and ugly. ...Continuing, it's not that bad, REALLY. It seriously makes everything THAT much more funnier. People can think whatever they want, but I don't find swearing degrading or whatever else effect it can have on someone. Swearing makes everything funnier, I can't stress that enough. Here, just read my examples..

"Screw you, world!" VS "FFFFFUCK YOU, WORLD!" <--that being funnier, right!? RIGHT.
"I'm having a great day!" VS "My day's FUCKEN awesome!" <--that being more convincing.
"Ouch!" VS "FUCK!"
"He makes me so angry!" VS "FUCK!"
"oh crap!" VS "FUCK!" <--they all explain themselve.
"No one cares." VS "Who gives a flying FUCK?" <--I wouldn't question that.
"No." VS "FUCK no."
"Yes." VS "FUCK yes."
"He's a clever fellow." VS "That's one motherfucken clever bitch." (It's just one of those things where a female is able to use it but if a guy ever does, he's a fucken dead man.)

If my examples didn't convince you, then I don't know what else would. Hope you all enjoyed! Have a good night! =P

Let it burn..

Bitches run their mouths. I run to get the job done. QUICK AND EASY.

To whom it may concern:

Of course I know what I'm talking about.
You'll see soon enough.

Sincerely,

ME

You should know..

Hand me down's and theft (lol, the closets in my house) is an awesome way to add more pieces to your wardrobe. For example:

That outfit is literally less than $5.00. I'm such a bargain shopper, it's insane. I purchased that t-shirt at Gap for less than $3.00, that necklace at Vanity for $0.97, and stole those old jeans from my brothers closet that I cut up. Those little bracelets you see, I made them all. People are so ashamed of Good Will or the Salvation Army, but believe me, it's the best place to go look for vintage pieces. I love, Love, LOVE! If you know how to wear it well, then who gives two cents worth of a shit? Definitely not me. Enjoy! =)

paper hearts

I wrote this a while back. Broken hearts inspire I tell ya...

To Your Despaired and Heavy Heart :

A grieved, distressful song dedicated to me from your troubled soul unfortunately won't fall in your favor. It screams to the deepest depths of my sympathy yet the guilt that's supposed to surround my guards fall flat, and even with that, I feel no guilt. Show me your sorrow; pour to me what it is that you want me to perceive, embrace, and feel. Because I am more than sure that the malady state of which you've put me through doubles that of the heartache you right now are experiencing. And we both know..you did this to yourself.

I've been nothing but loyal, honest, a mere fantasy that inherent average minds yet here it's thrown in your empty face. Something others dream about having, dedicate their lives to finding, never having that chance to treasure and instead of indulging you spit it out and walk the other way after a breath of my sweet spirit. Maybe you weren't in the correct state of mind, maybe I was getting ahead of myself, but I wasn't and you made sure of that; nevertheless, you did me wrong rotten and pranced around it like that was how it was supposed to end. Shattering into a million righteous pieces was my affection, compassion, and inclination to love you ever again.

It's something you surrendering your whole life to can never fix. It's a scar, not a wound that heals and is ready to battle agony once again. So your meaningless endeavors will remain meaningless and your sugarcoated apologies that my broken heart is deprived of will never be a satisfaction.

You come back and I can no longer help you. A once gleeful soul with a yearning heart to love is now oblivion.

Pieces of what..

I've been criticized by close friends for falling in love too easily, too quickly, too hard. I can't help it anymore than I can help breathing. If I've fallen, then I've fallen, and I know. Two weeks versus six months, love is love. Who's to judge how soon it is to be in love? Who's to judge whether it's infatuation or that four letter word that seems so impossible by the norm of society to happen in three days? I may fall fast and I may fall easily but when I love, I really love with everything. Wear your heart on your sleeve, don't let your guards down, play hard to get; I've heard it all and believe it or not, I don't care for any of it. Let me choose how to love the way I want to just like how you choose what to wear on your feet everyday. Constantly armoring my instincts is straining my ablitly to truly know what I desire.

I rarely write about this matter so indulge while it lasts.

"Creepers Are Keepers"

Before I start, I thought this photo was cute so I wanted to share it with you (sorry to those of you who I cut out of the photo). I paid my babygirl a visit in Madison and attended a Hmong Awareness Conference this past weekend and it was fun, fun, fun. Got to see Kong&Shu Lor again along with other Hmong musicians and met a few new faces as well. It was neat. Can't wait to go back! =)

Okay, so you all read my blog title and are probably thinking that I must be crazy. Before any furthur obnoxious assumptions, let me explain what is is that's behind that seemingly wacky phrase. Keep in mind, I'm an extremely sarcastic person..just incase you haven't caught that yet after reading my previous blogs.

I met up with my girls for late night appetizers just earlier tonight for a major catch up session. We all haven't seen each other in over a week (trust me, that's a long, long time knowing that we literally hang out six days of the week) because Angel was in New York for spring break, and especially because of that, there were TONS of stories to share. MS (refer to previous blog: 5 Types of Friends Everyone Should Have: The Innocent One) also known as the stalker magnet updated the rest of the girls on what it is she's been up to. For quite some time now, she's had a very persistant admirer who constantly nags at her to feed him a little attention. It's safe to say...she despises the poor guy more than she hates 10MPH drivers on the 65MPH highway. He has stalked her on facebook to the point where she deleted him, somehow figured out her school email and constantly sends her emails, even figured out her number some way, somehow just recently, and YES, he sends her text messages now. Literally, one of the emails read: MS, why can't you give me a chance like how you give all the other guys chances? Write back to me or I'll flood your inbox with my emails. Haha. My POOR BABYGIRL! She's the sweetest thing ever so she's not the type to tell him off assertively. It's literally rare to hear the word DAMN come out of her mouth and if us girls are ever lucky enough to hear her slip, we always try to make her say it again! LOL. I find the situation hilarious actually because this guy is so PERSISTANT! HOLY MOLY does he just keep on truckin'! This guy does NOT know how to call it quits. He would without a sweat beat the energizer bunny by a million because he just keeps on going and going and going AND GOING! In no way shape or form has MS ever lead him to believe she was interested, but this guy just doesn't get the picture. He's a creeper. And what does Angel say? CREEPERS ARE KEEPERS. Why? Because babygirl, in all honesty, that boy will love you unconditioinally. It all makes sense! LOL. How do you get rid of a guy who doesn't believe in quits? You can't! And THAT right there my friends is a winner! No matter what, through thick and thin, through all the hate that you could possibly give him, he will still..in the end..not love you any less than before the hell you gave him. This guy deserves a round of applause! *CLAPS* Take it this way, not all girls are fortunate enough to have a creeper to fall back on if all else fails. My babygirl is so lucky! I wish I had a creeper. Gosh darn it all!

So remember ladies, next time a creeper drives you to the brink of insanity, always remember, that boy will love you unconditionally regardless.

Thanks for reading! Have a good night!

Random quotes from tonight that made me laugh so hard I cried:

"Bros before....[GLARES]....GURLOS."

"Creepers are keepers!"

"Here's a picture of Chris and I. I got cut out but I think it's still cute."
"Join the club." (inside joke that I know you won't understand..still funny as ever)

"I fucken hate my wife, that cunt."
"Hi swee-"
"Shut the fuck up."
"Mark, sweetie, Brad and Angelina have a cute name like Brangelina. What's ours?"
"Hmmm...MUNT."

A List of Random Things That Make Me Happy

1. I have the biggest sweet tooth and I LOVE chocolate. My favorite chocolate you ask? Symphony's Almond and Toffee Chocolate bar.
2. Receiving written letters in the mail from friends and loved ones.
3. Just out of the dryer towels. They're so soft and warm! I just want to rub it all over my face like a creeper.
4. Walking next to a body of water when it's nice and toasty out.
5. Picnics.
6. Peanutbutter&Jelly sandwiches, crab ragoons, mac&cheese, nab vam, ...food in general.
7. My family.
8. My girlfriends also referred to as my babygirls (even though I'm probably the youngest one).
9. Justin Bieber, because he's just so adorable..I want to pinch his cheeks.
10. Mae - my favorite all time band. Not only is their music nothing short of amazing but their lyrics are sooo meaningful and mesmerizing. Best band to listen to in the car on a road trip.
11. The thought that gentlemen still exist.
12. Writing/blogging.
13. Sewing new garments
14. Holding my nieces' little hand.
15. Receiving phone calls from "long-time-no-talk" friends.
16. Ice cream on a hot summer's day.
17. Photography
18. My readers and followers.
19. Long car rides.
20. Deep, meaningful conversations with close friends.
21. Meeting new people.
22. Pleasant surprises like chocolate in the mail!
23. Making other people happy.
23. Lunch with my girls.
24. Comfortable awkward silence moments.
25. Company.

That's my list in no particular order. Share me some of yours. =)

You'd be so much more attractive if you were less cocky

We've all ran into one or two or too many to count, and unless you yourself were the one boasting, you'd realize how egotistic some people can be. How does one become that way in the first place? That thought is the hardest for my mind to comprehend. This may come out mean and you may take it the wrong way (not that I care, I was just saying), but I've categorized "these" people into two categories: the conceited who are good at what they're being conceited about, and the conceited whom everyone should pity.

Okay, that guy may know that he may be a little teeny tiny bit better at playing basketball or any other sport than everyone else, but c'mon dude, would it kill you to be a little more humble about it? Tip for the guys; you can be the hottest hunk in the city and be good at everything you do, but the minute you talk about how mind-blowing you are, your rate of a 9.7 (when your mouth was shut) would automatically drop down to a dead ZERO. It's one of the biggest turn offs for me personally. Yeah, you may be extremely attractive, but no, just your looks won't do (I'm only speaking for myself; I know there are those shallow girls who hunt for those arrogant SOBs). Guys and girls, learn how to be humble..its a beautiful thing.

Is it not the biggest nuisance to run into those individuals who have nothing going for them and then you find out they're one of those narcissistic MFs? How pityful. If you're lagging in the looks category, the skills category (like nunchuck skills; I love Napoleon Dynamite), the sense of humor category, AND the picking up chicks category, the only thing that will save you is probably your personality. I have three words for you; WORK ON IT. What else do you have to offer, sir?

I'm extremely annoyed of people who can't get enough of themselves. This was a venting blog, thanks for your time. =)

To Whom It May Concern:

So I came across something just now that really annoys me to the max. If there were three things that annoy the living hell out of me, this would make it on the list instantly. Girls who think they're better dressed than anyone else just because they're going into the fashion industry but the truth is, they follow mainstream and think it's high class. Okay, first of all, take a look at yourself before you start criticizing anyone else. Second of all, if you're truly dedicated to fashion and everything about it, you would know how to respect every garment regardless if it's ugly or not. I'm majoring in apparel design and I'm just so sick of those girls who think they know it all. I don't care if this sweater was bought at Good Will or the Salvation Army, if you wear it and wear it well then by all means I don't give a shit where it came from. I LOVE, LOVE shopping at Wal-Mart in their clearance racks (refer to photo below) because I always find pieces that are sooo extremely affordable and so easy to embellish to make it my own. I've done this numerous times and I can proudly say..MILEY CYRUS is my GIRL! LOL. In summary, learn how to not be a hypocrite because truth is, you're not all that great. Thanks.

Be Nice, Bitch...

Here's a cap on what's been happening...

"Hector, how old are you turning!?"
"Take a guess. Be nice, bitch."

"MaryJane!"
"That'd be a badass name."
"What, Knight Rider?"

"Phoua, why did Mitch push you?"
"That's how he dances."
"Oh shit! Lol."

"Angel, I woke up with two bruises on my hips. You remember us falling on the dance floor last night?"
"OMG GIRL! I'm so sorry! FUCKEN MITCH!"

*Alarm clock on my phone rings
Angel, "Hello?" (in her sleep) LMAO

Angel wakes up at 8AM.
"Phoua, what happened last night?"
"Girl, I'll tell you when you're sober."

"Just because you sent me two photos of you shirtless doesn't mean they'll hold you off for a while."

"Hey, I'm gonna be frank with you. I want your body."

Good times. =)

My Valentine's gift came in the mail today. He sent my fat butt three boxes of goodies. What a sweetheart, huh? It's super cute! Thanks again, Sweetie! I loved it. =)

   

I know, I'm his fattie. (I know what you're thinking, but no..he's not my boyfriend. He's my very best friend Koh. )

Anywho, I'll just tell you right now that I have nothing even semi-interesting to share with you today so this blog is going to be just a bunch of random events with my girls that's happened within the past week or so. I'm only blogging because it feels like I'd be breaking a good habit otherwise. First off, before I begin, I have to let the world know that any night with the girls is always going to be a good night. They are HILARIOUS and we have a TON of inside jokes that even I sometimes fail to understand but all in all, it's always a hoot.

Okay, so last night Enn and Angel came to pick me up at work because they wanted to go bowling. Turns out there was a waiting list of fourteen ( <--high school habit) people so we decided to scratch that plan out. We ran to Festival Foods with MS joining us to grab cilantro instead, for Enn decided she wanted to make her delicious chicken. We just ate and hung out, talked and played cards. MS decides she wants to tell our fortunes with the cards. You lay the four aces out, one representing a guy you love, a guy you love but can't be with, a guy who will never be more than just a friend, and someone you despise. You ask any questions about any of the dudes and which ever same card shape lands the same determines the answer, that's how you play the game. So I'm up first and I'm asking questions, asking questions, asking questions. I run out and my cards are going no where, so I have Angel help me out with some. She goes.."Who has the biggest [pauses for three seconds and within the three second pause I've already came up with a word to complete her question] HEART." LOL, we laugh and high five. Good times. Oh, and after that, we played M.A.S.H. Really good times.

Seriously + Scaringly = Scariously or Scarsingly <--terms you'll see me use from time to time so know now what it means.

MMMMMhhhhmmmmm with neck motion = yeah right

This shit right here! = This shit right here.

"Don't make me pull out my hypothetical gun!"

I've been meaning to share this with you. We had a masquaerade themed valentine's party in town and this was my mask. It's sweet, I know. Lady Gaga inspired. Yeah, and that's the necklace I wore with it. It was sa-weet. If you look closely, you can see my face through one of the mirror pieces! Haha.

Alright, I think I'm heading to bed now. So tired. Later readers. Have a good night.

Changes

All thanks to my very good buddy Tousue, he suggested a wonderful blogging topic about comparing me now to what seemed like years and years ago. Brilliant, right? This will be fun because I have tons of photos I'm going to share with you all. They could probably be blackmail photos but hell, it'll be enjoyable. Not much blogging today but rather photo sharing. =)

I'm not sharing a lot of kiddy photos but I felt like I just HAD to share this one with you. It's definitely one of my favorite photos of me as a kid. I was more chunky than a whale addicted to cheese but I was freaken CUTE. Yep, I love my self-serviced bangs, beady eyes, and my puffy shoulder sailor dress that was three inches too short and a few sizes too small.

I know right? Who ate that cute, little girl? Well let me tell you, reality did. Here's me I'd like to say five years ago. The super straight-edge, into music, tomboyish teenager who didn't really give two cents worth of the real world.

Here's one four years ago; not much change from 2005. Starting to look less tomboyish..still a good kid.

Everyone goes through a rebellious stage, this was mine. I didn't take it quite to the extreme level yet, but I was a curious cat. I played around a lot fake piercings and scene haircutting and whatnot. See for yourself.

Here, I even dated this one. Gah, that seemed so long ago. A senior in high school now, my most rebellious stage in my teen years. At the point in my life when I was trying to figure out who I was; something went wrong, I won't say much (chuckles), but I can't deny the fact that it made me who I am today. Hardy, har, har..

After going through a great depression in the middle of my senior year, just like that, I found myself (I swear I captured that sadness in my eyes in this photo). I changed completely inside and out: mind, personality, look-wise, attitude, perspective, everything, you name it. I changed as a person for the better. Oh, and I finally got that piercing I've always wanted. I have to say this was the toughest time thus far in my life; struggling with my parents, siblings, myself, and finding motivation to wake up every morning for school. Glad to say all is well now.

I can honestly say that through my whole entire high school years I never went through a "party everyday" stage. Lol, I hit that later than everyone else I guess. It's not even party everyday, but after being exposed to the "club" scene I sorta indugled in it. My sister's and sister-in-law's and I at a club. My hair was awesome that night (no bangs!). I really like that faux-hawk look. You can't really tell in that photo though, I know.

And then there's me now with a kid. LOL! No, I'm joking..that's the coolest kid on the block, (my niece) Autumn May Her. Yep, that's the most recent photo of me up to date (pure happiness and satisfaction). Quite a dramatic change from just five years ago, huh? Only now can I say..what a ride and what a ride it will still be. I would go into more details about the emotional changes, but I'll save that for a later blog. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed. =) Good night!

Five friends you need in your life

Of course these are all strictly my beliefs and judgements. You don't have to apply any of it to yourself if you believe otherwise. But the following are five people I believe everyone should have in their lives to make it all the better.

1. The Sweetheart
Whether it be a guy or girl, the Sweetheart is the type of person who will always be there for you no matter the circumstance. They're the kind of friend that you trust to be there for you at four in the morning if you happen to have a sudden breakdown. They listen, give excellent advice, and never judge you for making mistakes. The Sweetheart is the one person you depend on to explain life and how it works.

2. The Friend Who Always Has Your Back
This is the clever, outspoken, straightforward friend who makes everything eventful. She's the type of friend who doesn't take shit from anyone and isn't afraid to tell anyone off. She's outgoing, always up for adventures, and trustworthy. She's one to let you know quietly with signals that you may have something hanging out of your nose rather than blurting it out to the whole world. If you want an honest answer with how your outfit looks, the friend who always has your back is the one to ask.

3. The Crazy
The most significant reason for having a crazy friend is solely for the purpose of making sure you realize how normal your life is because truthfully, they sometimes drive you insane. The Crazy is the one reminder to be thankful for everything that's not happening in your life. But without the Crazy around, you start to miss them for they always unintentionally teach you how you should live your life. They're the type of person who you give advice to and are always willing to help out. The Crazy makes life all the more meaningful.

4. The Comedian
The only friend you know you can call when you need a laugh. They know exactly what it is that will make you laugh when you're upset and is capable of turning an unfortunate event into a comedy sitcom. The comedian never lets you cry for more than 30 seconds before they're able to put a smile on your face.

5. The Spontaneous
The type of friend who glady accepts any opportunity she gets to try something exclusive. She always drags you into situations where you'd rather not be, but in the end you enjoy it more than you had first thought. She changes your perspective on life and unknowingly gives you the ability to honestly understand. When you want to try something new, you immediately call up the Spontaneous friend.

And yes, they are all inspired by my very own friends that I'm very fortunate to have in my life at the moment. =)

That's Enn and Angel!!!....NOT.

So the other day, the girls decided they wanted to go out and watch Dear John. We were just going to all meet up at the movie theatre at 4:00PM since everyone was doing their own thing at the moment. I rode in the car with my love, Maxine, and on our way we stopped by Wendy's for some grub. We're driving to the theatre and when we reach the parking lot, Maxine says, "Oh look, we'll just park by Enn's car." I look and I see two girls sitting in their car who happened to look a lot like Enn and Angel at the time. Immediately I start waving to them and I have a huge smile on my face. Maxine parks one car away from the girls I had been waving to and then I pause for a second, wait..THAT'S Enn's car to the left and it's empty...I look to my right and the two girls are in their car staring at me like I'm some kind of weird girl that they've never seen before. FML. At that moment I just wanted to vanish into thin air. I'm a creeper who had just been obnoxiously waiving to them. LOL. To make matters worse, the two girls end up standing in front of us in line for tickets and watched the same movie as we did. Double FML.

Dates in the past..

Boy, are you guys in for a treat tonight! So as we all know, in seven days it'll be Valentine's Day. For some (usually the bitter-hearted, cynical individuals whom has once experienced a painful heartache and hasn't quite gotten over it yet), this holiday could be dreadful and dragging. For others, it could be one of the best days of the year. I mean c'mon, spending time with your loved ones, your significant other, a blow-up doll, whatever works for you personally; what could possibly be better than that right? That's not my point, but anywho, as this delightful celebration of love creeps around the corner, I wanted to share with you a few interesting dates I've encountered in my time of being SFL, that meaning Single For Life meaning single until I find someone who eventually wins me over (term used excessively by my girl friends and I). For the men I'm about to menion in my blog who are reading, I apologize for the things you might find offensive beforehand. This is all for good times reminscing only. If you wish for me to not share our date, let me know and I'll be glad to respect your decision and take it out.

I'm more than positive that there are many individuals out there who meet interesting others online and end up meeting them later in person to maybe try to pursue something more than an online relationship; some of you are just too ashamed to admit it. There's nothing wrong with that, but that wasn't my intent for this certain person I had first met online. Firstly, he just wasn't my type and nothing about him was very intriguing, just your average Joe you can say. He was just a cool friend to chat with here and there and that's exactly what we did. Later on when I found out he was going to be in town for whatever business it was, I decided to meet up with him; it was a date. He was gonna pick me up, go grab some lunch then head out to a movie. As he texted me to come outside, he wrote, "Don't be nervous!" I wanted to laugh because honestly, I wasn't nervous at all. I only saw this guy as a cool friend and I've been hinted a few times by him that he wanted more; I shrugged it off..NOT gonna happen. Anywho, first thoughts when I stepped into the car...not bad, looks better in photos, seems normal at least. We're talking as we drive to our first destination and this guy is stuttering a bunch, I'm thinking he's just nervous maybe? We arrive and he steps out of the car, WOW. Really short! I'm not tall myself, but c'mon! We get seated, order, wait for our food and I start to notice that this guy blinks a lot, a LOT. And it's not like a normal blink where someone almost doesn't notice it, he blinked liked there was something in his eye that he wanted to get out. I found it really irritating, and to make matters worse, he's still stuttering. Pay attention to your food, PHOUA!!! We finish eating, he pays for the bill, what a pleasant surprise, he's a gentleman. We're walking outside back to his car and he opens my car door for me and closes it, at this point, I'm thinking..hmm, okay..a bit tacky for me, whatever. When we arrive at the movie theatre, we have a friendly fight on who's going to pay for the tickets. Okay guys, I know you may feel like sometimes you owe it up to the girl to pay for everything on a first date, but for me..I want to help out too if it's a mutual agreement for the date in the first place. He ends up paying and throughout the whole entire movie, I just felt really uncomfortable around him..can't really explain it. The movie is over, he does the same thing..opens my door, closes it, but this time it's so obvious it's not even natural. This guy is trying so hard to win me over and it's just turning me off. Seriously, I appreciate the fact that you still try to fight for chivarly, but I'm capable of opening my doors and closing them as well. I didn't like it. He took me home after that, gave him a friendly hug, said goodbye. Overall, no...he just tried way too hard to be normal and that wasn't normal and it was obvious to me. Eaaahh, don't really talk to the dude anymore. OH YEAH! I forgot to mention, as we were talking in the car, he mentioned he was ready to settle down and have a football team of kids. Not EXACTLY what a girl wants to hear on a first date, it's creepy and immediately raises a red flag that says...WALK THE OTHER WAY. I think he finally found a girl. God bless her soul.

Next guy, we've always hung out at a bunch of house parties but never really took it to the next level of just us two hanging out. Well one night he sent me a text message saying he was bored, so I decided we would go grab some coffee at Perkins and maybe finally just sit and talk, find out more about each other. So we arrive at Perkins and I get a cup of hot cocoa with extra whip cream cause it just tastes better that way. He doesn't get anything..at all..not even a cup of water. It was extremely awkward at first because it was sorta quiet; it was hard to start a conversation with him. So knowing that this guy lives and breathes dancing, I asked him a few questions about the subject. He doesn't stop talking, and starts to tut nonstop. For those of you who don't know what tutting is, it's just a contemporary dance style that involves creating geometric positions and movements with the body. He tutted through the whole night...stole my mug of hot cocoa for a second and starts tutting with that as well. Don't get me wrong, his talent blew my mind but it would have been nice if he stopped at one point. We sit there for a bit longer and I decided to call it a night, I drove him back home and in the car we came to talking about his past relationships. He then asks me how many guys I had been with as in slept with. That matter is only for me to know and share with those whom I feel comfortable enough to tell, I didn't answer him. I then asked him and being brutally honest with me, he answered..."Like..13 or 14." Fuck your life! I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm TERRIFIED of STDs and whatnot. Goodbye mister, you're AWESOME to hang out with but you're not really boyfriend material. Him and I still keep in touch, he lives in CA now and seems successful enough with his dancing. I'm happy for him.

A bars not really the best place to meet a guy who could possibly have potential, that's where I met my next interesting date. My girls and I are on the dance floor dancing the night away, having a great time and as I turn around, I notice a really attractive guy staring our direction. He was with his friends so I was a bit shy to approach him to say hi. For the rest of the night we just kept making eye contact, smiling and that was it. Bar time quickly rolls around and as my girls and I get off the dance floor and walk out the door, I caught him staring again so I smiled and waived goodbye. I'm not sure if this was fortunate or not, but one of my sister's co-workers spot her, stopped us, and they start talking right before we're about to exit the bar. The really cute dude who had been eyeing me the whole night follows us without my knowledge, taps me from behind and says hello. Wow, he's REALLY attractive and sweet. We end up exchanging numbers and start texting every night after that. When we finally found a free night, he wanted me to go over to watch a movie. I'm thinking, sure, why not..I'm attracted to this guy enough and he seemed really sweet. So I go over, we're cuddling on his bed watching a movie and he starts going for the bra. It gets really awkward cause I was NOT going to let that happen. I made it obvious that I didn't want that from him and for the rest of the night..it was REALLY awkward. This poor guy just totally got rejected and he's a bit bummed out. I just end up leaving and don't hear much from him since. I run into his roommate a few weeks later at JimmyJohn's after bar time; he was determined that the dude was a bit homosexual. We spent the night venting about it. Good times.

Okay, so here were three unsuccessful dates I've experienced. I hope you enjoyed them. Please share with me your encounters. I'd be delighted to read them. =) Guys especially....what were your dates like with girls? What do you like and don't like about girls on a first date? Share, share, SHARE!

For Valentine's Day this year, I'm spending it with the besties. We're dressing up, going out for dinner, then gonna go watch Valentine's Day. I already know it's gonna be a good day. Any day with the girls is a good day. I hope you all have a wonderful Valentines with your loved ones, eat lots of chocolate and be kind! Good night.

Something Truly Special...

I'm doing horrible at keeping up with my blogs and I apologize, but I promise there's a reason behind it! Just from past experience, I guess I've learnt that sometimes it's just better not to write about personal problems online. Unless it's coming out of my mouth directly, sometimes just reading my thoughts through the computer screen can be misleading. And because lately I've been bombarded by all these personal matters, that's all that has been on my mind. I'd hate to bore you with them, and THAT'S WHY..I haven't been updating. I'm sorry, but I'm back now to share something really speacial with you all. =)

I have this really great girl friend and she lives three hours away from me. I know she's been busy so we haven't had much time to catch up on everything that's been happening. But just the other day, I received a pleasant note from her and I really wanted to share it with you. A little note like this brings me so much inspiration to keep doing what I love to do and makes me feel like I'm actually doing something right. It literally means the whole world to me.

Hi, Phoua.

I got really tuned into your blogs.
I know that maybe you get a lot of comments from others
saying how much you're so over-amateur at modeling
or that you look increibly great all the time, not that you don't.
And that you're so awesome to party with but,
I just wanted to let you know that
dude - you really inspire me to write.
I feel I'm coming off totally lesbian right now but
all the symbols and characters you post in your short writing/blogging kind of drills a long and needy goal into my brain, a goal to accomplish sometime soon in my life.
Not that you don't know already but I really wanted you to know that you're not just all looks and all for photoshoots. That you're incredibly original and full of gifts and talents.
And I am one of your awesome "I miss you" fan and friend.
I love you, dear.
Take care.

Her name is Jennifer, and I just wanted to say to her..
Thanks for your note, sweetheart. I hope you and your family are doing nothing less than perfect. Thanks for keeping up with my blogs, it means a lot to me. I really love and miss you and can't wait to see you again. =)

This calls for some Mayday Parade

I've met someone in my life that still to this very day makes me feel like I am truly perfect the way I am. This someone has flaws and imperfections, but even they are flawless. This someone to me is more than what I could ever have asked to meet in life in order to believe they really exist. I asked for a cup of apple juice, and I got a whole field of apple trees. I know what love is because of this person and because of this person I also know how to tolerate painful memories for the time being. A simple road is now sacred and marks a meaningful point in my life because of this person. There will never be a time in my life when I won't think of this person when I see fireworks in the month of July, or any strangers' blue eyes, or curly, blond hair. No one will ever be able to look me straight in the eyes and make me feel as beautiful as I felt that night without saying a word, and I am no where near beautiful. This is how that person makes me feel at this very second in this lifetime and it makes me sad because as hard as I try to find someone who will win me over; the truth is, it's nearly impossible to run into something better when you've already had a taste of the best. And no matter how frustrating and difficult it is, I can't settle for less; that to me is not happiness. So I'll continue with my mission, and though I don't know for sure if this person and I will ever be together, deep down I've saved a little spot for this hopeless hope. After tonight, after everything has been said, I know I'll miss him more than I've ever missed him before.

"I can live without you but without you I'll be miserable at best."

The Secret is Out..

Nothing hurts more than telling the person who makes you truly the happiest to be happy with someone else.

Girls, girls, girls

I came across some unfortunate drama this evening and right now it still upsets me when I


think about it. GIRLS, I'm directing this to very specific people because I see them on my

page log all the time, and I do mean girls, because you all are clearly not women yet. At

that age, right now, you're probably thinking you're invincible and you're able to do whatever

you want, whenever you want to do it. You think you're on top of the world when in fact

you fail to respect your friends, your family, and most importantly, yourself. Competing with

your girls to see how many guys you can sleep with is NOT by all means impressive at all. It's

disgusting, embarrasing, and disturbing. You're only 17 for crying out loud! Do you actually

think all those guys you've slept with respect you? You're seen as a piece of meat; they get

a slice and leave. Don't get me wrong though, if you feel like being known as "easy" is a

better suit for you then hell, go for it! If not, focus on change! You still have so much ahead

of you and so much more to learn in life! It's not the end of the road yet, believe me. Learn

how you want to be treated and treat yourself that way. Other people only respect you the

way you respect yourself. You teach, they learn and follow. Get it? Quit spreading your legs

because you don't get enough attention. I'm not saying I know everything, but I know damn

sure that everything I've typed thus far is true. So take my advice and clean up your acts.
It'll better your future; less regrets are always good.

This is all I can do for you..for now.

Here, some photos instead of a blog for an update. How 'bout that? =) Credits to my sister-in-law, Pamela. She's a natural photographer, I swear on it.

I'm too tired right now to edit the others. Just check back for updates. =)

Secretly stealing your time..

I've literally been struggling for the past few days to come up with something brilliant to blog about. To bore you with the things I do everyday is not my intention; yes, I care that much about my followers/readers. I'm not here either to preach or give written lectures about how to live your life because by all means, I'm no expert at trying to live mine. I would have no right or say in what you should and shouldn't do in yours. I'm not here to try to impress anyone by using words you'd have to look up in the dictionary in order to understand, nor am I here to brag about my magnificent, one of a kind qualities (cough). I blog simply for your entertainment. I just want to write about something I believe people might enjoy to read or relate to in some way, shape, or form. So saying that, if you've laughed, became aware of something that never bothered to cross your mind, became angry or upset, blissful, bitter, appreciative, dumbfounded..or even just managed to smirk then I've done my job and glad to say that I did it damn well. So until I come up with something clever, stay tuned. I know this blog could be grouped in the cheap, you just secretely stole three minutes of my life category, but hey, a sucky blog is better than no blog at all. Oh, and don't get me wrong, stealing your time is always intentional.

New Year Imbeciles

Happy New Year everyone! What a great start to a new beginning must I say! Nothing beats a marvelous night out with my girls and guys, not even low life fuck faces who purposely try to ruin the first two hours of what's going to be an amazing 2010. Yep, I bet you know who I'm talking about. Those senseless, bird-brained morons who pretend to act hardcore, but when you break them down individually truth of the matter is [catches breath] each one would come short of filling their role of chicken shit (in other words, DIRT). How sad to you think one is when they think it's necessary to push an innocent one around just to get a little adrenaline rush? Too sad is the answer. I hate, HATE those depressed bastards who think "fighting" with others will cure their joyless hearts. It's a new year, now would be a good time to learn how to let go and enjoy your life while it lasts! If ruining other peoples nights would make you feel better then by all means...SIT YOUR SORRY ASS AT HOME, SON!

Mostly for guys, but I know this sometimes applies to girls too unfortunately; fighting doesn't make you more of a man or woman, if anything..less. You are LOW. You are DIRT. You're a foolish individual who needs to invest in some self control classes. What an ENORMOUS turnoff! Seriously guys, bitches dig that, woman don't. Take my word for it.

But even so!...we (the posse and I) didn't let something that stupid ruin our nights because we're simply too awesome. It turned out to be an excellent night, best new years eve/new year celebration yet! I hope everyone was safe and I wish you all a happy new year.